T-shirt troubles for Daniel

Opinion by Daniel Wilson

A t-shirt can be an amazingly sexy garment; James Dean knew that and so did Marlon Brando when he rolled a packet of cigarettes into the arm of his tighty-whitey. Modern day fashion rebels wear t’s featuring v-necks so low you can clearly see where they were only just separated from the umbilical cord despite minus 20 temperatures.

Here are some helpful tips on the wearing of this classic garment in today’s fashion environment. Please note, this is just my humble opinion and you can follow my advice or laugh at it at will.

The standard American Apparel(AA) low cut v-neck is really as low as you need to go guys, proud though you may be of your Nair fetish. Remember, there was once a time when men were proud that their testicles had dropped and hair grew on their chests. They wore clothes with cleavage in order to show off their virility, not their complete lack thereof.

Slogan t’s are not ok. Katharine Hamnett made them ok, and if you have one of hers by all means, wear it (and I will beat you up and take it), but otherwise no. Slogans you think are witty are not; they are as shallow as the fabric they are printed on. Please remember, how can a t-shirt speak to you when there are thousands of them made? (Note, House of Holland is also ok)

Band t-shirts are hard to wear. If you are wearing something with the name or imagery of a hot new band, chances are by the time you’ve washed it you’ll be embarrassed to be seen in it. Vintage band t’s are better, but it’s still a fine line. The Nirvana smiley face t-shirt may either make you look way too ironic, or that you actually live in your parent’s basement. A Nine Inch Nails t-shirt can work as an actual homage, ditto New Order, but it should look like your club-stamp smeared, same sex lover passed out in it a few dozen times while going through a sweaty fit.

AA is a great store to get t-shirt basics as their shirts can be worn on their own or layered under a more interesting garment, but please just one AA item per outfit. I know soft cotton in lovely colours is addictive, but it is not an outfit or a fashion statement. Entire wardrobes wrung from the racks of American Apparel make you look like a pastel, hipster Marc Rothko painting holding a 50.

There really is so much more to say: are metallic’s permitted, what is the rule on holes or stains, V-neck, boat or crew? Oh well, I need to leave some room for people to make mistakes or else what more would I write about?